There's no way to fake it.
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Hi. Carla Denise C. Catibog. 14. FILIPINA. I don't really do much. I get excited a lot. Blahh. Too lazy. K, bye.
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Monday, May 31, 2010, 6:20 PM
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage,and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________
DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT __________ WEIGHT __________
IQ _______ GPA________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _________________
DRIVERS LICENSE # ___________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK ___________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS ________________
CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP ___________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?__________ If No, EXPLAIN __________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married _________________
8. Do you own a van? _______ A truck with oversized tires? ________ A waterbed? ________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ________ A tattoo? ________ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?_____________________________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _____________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _____________________________________________
12. Do you attend church _____________
How often do you attend ______________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ___________________________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)
(a ) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is _____________
(b ) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my _____________________
(c ) A woman's place is in the _____________________
(d ) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________________
(e ) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ______________ (NOTE: If your answer begins with "T", "A" or "B" and/or is located anywhere below the neck, discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?__________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
___________________________________ Signature ( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).